sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
