I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
