glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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