She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
