I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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