If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
