Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
