nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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