WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
