i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
