it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
