I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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