its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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