I'm lost and stupid without you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
