I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
