Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
