so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
