afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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