Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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