Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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