I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
