WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
