My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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