That's when you crack a 10am beer
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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