We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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