btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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