I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
