Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
sex in a hospital.. check
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
