the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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