So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
