connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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