It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
