I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
