i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
