i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
