new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
