Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Come on in and take your pants off
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