I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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