you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
