I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
