dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
