u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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