its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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