i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
