We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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