pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
