also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
