if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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