and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
