3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
