someone threw a dead crab at me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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